Everyone will experience a bereavement in their lives. Although loss is a part of life that is commonplace, we can feel quite unlike ourselves as we go through it and we all experience it differently. When it happens, it can be a very lonely time. Going through a bereavement encompasses all the many and varied losses that flow from the absence of a loved one. For example, a widow may find herself anxious because her lost partner was the one who always reassured her that everything would be alright. Anger and frustration can flow from feelings of abandonment and loss of the opportunity to resolve unfinished business.
In grief, many different emotions are aroused and it’s important to honour and allow those feelings - let them surface and accept them compassionately. Crying is a natural way of expressing sadness. Remembering is an important part of grieving and can take lots of forms; looking at photos or visiting cherished places, cooking meals you liked to share, or continuing rituals that mattered to you.
Talking to friends and family can help, although it often arouses feelings of guilt among those who feel they are imposing or “I should be over it by now”. Grieving is a continuing process and there are no rules about how long it takes. At the same time, some can feel they owe it to the lost loved one to be grief stricken, as a way of honouring the memory of the lost person - but it’s ok to feel better. Talking to others who are also bereaved is good way to discover that you aren’t alone and that what you are feeling is normal.
Talking to a counsellor or therapist provides a comfortable space to air your experience. Reading is also a good way to normalise your experience. Julia Samuel, a psychotherapist specialising in grief, has written a book that I recommend: Grief Works. Self care is vital at this time - attending to good sleep, eating healthily and getting outdoors.